File: Social

I can accurately be described as a homebody. I like my feeble attempts at routine. I love the notion that I will carve out time to myself to do everything I wish. This rarely happens, but I'm still happier at home than I am going out.

But, I'm also a people person. Being around people is energizing for me. In small groups. Of people I like. Whom I have something to share with.

Tonight's my office holiday party. I'm lucky because I my colleagues are a bunch of bright, funny, lovable people who I really enjoy being around. But, still, I'm nervous. Even though I've been around these guys all day long, day in and day out, for almost two years, I'm nervous. Am I wearing the right thing? Will it be fun? What will we talk about? What's the deal with the Twister board?

I feel this way before going out in a large group, or going to any party, sometimes to the point of not going. It normally expresses itself in the large mound of rejected clothes that sit on the floor, or in this morning's case, the floor, the chair, Narnia, the guest room bed, my office, and the living room sofa. Here's the normal going out order:

1. I cause a big clothes stir.
2. Matt talks me down off a ledge.
3. I despise him for having the audacity to tell me I look good
4. We leave.
5. The entire cab ride/el ride/walk over I fret about all of the above, including my behavior and, of course, if I'm wearing the right thing, will it be fun or will I get stuck chatting with the drunk boring guy telling me about his denture repair formula.
6. We arrive at the party. I frantically try to hide all insecurities and slip into "everything's perfect" Pleasantville girl.
7. I begin to have fun. Normal Brandi returns.

No wonder I like staying home. Okay, I've talked myself into fun and hopefully out of this weird seven step program. I'm going downstairs to the party. And, I'll try not to worry about the twister board.