File: History (The Originals)

In high school, my friend Christel and I had this bit. The Olan Mills dorky picture bit. Most people took them seriously, with boyfriends posing sweetly with their girlfriends and the what not. Our group of friends didn't and I have many the photographic evidence.

The above pic being proof. I love these pictures of us. This frame has sat on or near my desk for almost ten years now. Wow.

In college, Christel and I shared an apartment we named Tahiti which, until we found out that Danny Rollings killed someone there, was a great place to live. In any case, we had a cute frog decor, complete with a stuffed frog that smoked a cigar.

I saw the above frogs in Borders right before Christel's birthday this year. (Her birthday is in Feb., so as usual, I'm running a bit late.) I knew I must do a photo shoot with them. And, so it is.

The next phase will be separation, alas. Frog one "Bito" will be sent to Florida to keep Christel company. I will keep frog two "Chito" so I can remember Tahiti.

File: Art

So, my worry was not needed. (I suppose it never is.) I felt really good about class. Man, I've missed doing improv. It's neat to come back to it. When I was doing it last time around, Charna told me that I have the knowledge about the ways to do it and knew the rules, but that it needed to come out in my body, that I needed to take my knowledge and translate it to the stage. I felt able to do that last night. I don't know why, I just reacted to what as going on around me.

Upon arrival, it was a little weird. I thought we were supposed to meet in the lobby; nobody was there. I heard the voice of Keith, my temporary teacher, in the theatre and walked in. I wasn't sure if I was in the right place, as I wasn't on his roster. Turns out, they put me on Matt's roster, but we had decided last night that wasn't a good idea, so I stayed in Keith's class.

I like this class. The people have different backgrounds: from a law professor, to an English teacher, to a carpenter, and all degrees of experience both inside improv and outside improv. They were all together for the last level so I'm the newbie, but they were all very nice to me and made me feel welcome. From what I saw in class and afterward (we went for beers), I like them as people, too.

Keith had us place ourselves on stage based on different criteria (improv history, placement in family, etc.). Then, we walked around embodying different emotions (the most joyful person we know, the most emotionally repressed person we know), Then, scenework. He's a good teacher. He gave us some great tools. The first came from the psychology book Games People Play (note to self: read). He gave someone in the scene a game, someone in the scene picked an action from the hat, and at the right moment, someone in the scene picked an emotion from the hat.

I didn't do so well with the emotion part. My emotion was affection (is that an emotion, really?). I didn't know how to play it, and the scene that was going on was a living room scene with Grandma trying to one-up everyone else, which was a fun game, but it got a little scrunched together and talky. I just was very huggy. Looking back, I wish I would have walked in with an animal or something else to care for so I could give the affection but wasn't the other players so I'd be able to play the game.

I did better on my action. It was in a kitchen. I cooked eggs. My object work is horrendous. It was fun because the staging placed me in the middle of a game (I'm really not attracted to you) which was well-played by a girl in my class, Caitlin. Matt, a classmate not my spouse, played someone who wanted fried eggs, which upset my character because he ordered scrambled eggs every morning. I wish I could capture the scene, but it was fun to do. I realized, after this scene, that I'm better than I used to be because in the past I was afraid to speak if I didn't have anything in mind. Here, I had nothing in mind and would just look at what was ahead of me and come back to it. "Pepper, salt?" Occasionally, I would come back to it with whatever came to my mind, "Pepper, salt, hand?" Someone in my class commented that was funny. I had no idea.

The first scene I did was the game. It went really well and was a nice relief that I was capable of doing improv. The game Keith gave me was "I'm so bad, see if you can stop me." It was so much fun. So much fun. I was nervous upon reading it because I had just seen another classmate, Louis, do the same game very, very well. He kept throwing apples and moving his feet like circles. It was damn funny. In mine, my scene partner was walking his dog/sheep (it kept changing). I don't know what made me do this, but I decided to love it till it hurts to see if they would stop me. "I'm going to lick it." At one point I was underneath the sheep/dog hugging it with my whole body. My third scene partner (I haven't learned everyone's name yet) walked in and said that it wasn't the same since our mother had died. At which point, I just reacted. I screamed a high pitch whine. And held it. And held it. And held it until people laughed. My partners would speak, but then I would scream again, playing with the volume and pitch length. It was a lot of fun (although it sort of hurt my voice). I didn't plan anything--I was just in the moment and reacting to the people and emotions around me. This is what I had been trying to do in my improv planning and performing before and never quite accomplished. It felt great to be able to do that.

We did some more object work, walking into a room with an emotion (rage) and interacting with all the stuff left in it by previous occupants, create your own, and then leave. I was the last one and didn't do the best job. You can't always hit home runs.

We played emotional symphony which is a cool game that's a lot of fun. (People emote to a given emotion conducted like a symphony). After class, I was emotionally and physically tired. I understand why Matt's so wiped after a CSZ show.

I realized that I have some potential. Some of my classmates found me to be funny (hooray!). Most importantly, I was relaxed, open, and enjoying everything that was going on around me. I need to remember this attitude and feeling because it's so much easier t be than to try. I hope I'm able to retain this as the weeks go on.

In the meantime, it feels so good to be back.

File: Art

So, tonight's my first improv class. Matt's teaching the same level, but a different class. I feel strange about the whole thing. I wanted to be in his class, but understand it's a conflict of interest. That said, I feel safe around him.

Truth is, I'm scared. That's part of the reason I'm taking the class. I miss performing and I think I miss improv. I realize that I may just be in a place where I remember the good of improv and that's what I'm coveting. Yet, as I get ready for my class tonight, the bad of improv is starting to rejoin me: hugging the backwall, praying for the show to be over, that nobody would notice that I have nothing to contribute, no ability to create a believable world out of nothing based off what my stage partner has said. I have that knot in my stomach that it's there again, that I'm bound to fail, the gawky girl in the corner who everyone likes but nobody has the heart to tell she's horrible. Or the girl who really is horrible and it's just acknowledged. Truthfully, I don't know which one is worse.

Matt said some really nice things to me last night—about the ensemble in general, about the amount of people who believe and want me (and everyone in the classes) to succeed. I am coming to improv with a different attitude. I no longer have anything to prove. I don't have to earn my space or justify my reason for being there, as I thought I had to the first time around. I'm taking a class because I want to, and have accepted that I am a student, nothing more, nothing less.

Maybe that's why I'm taking so many classes this spring (currently signed up for this, piano, and voice). I want to return as a student for the joy of studying, not for any real reason than a desire to better myself in areas that interest me.

I'm still nervous and scared, but am excited about it and think it's going to be fun. I feel inspired by our friend Dave who blogs about his Tai Chi classes. Some go well, some don't. He's a student (I think) because he wants to learn and he puts his best effort into each one, not knowing if that night will be a success or failure. I'm going to attempt to emulate that tonight.

You have new Picture Mail!

Rio is feeling better. Here she is breaking into the weather proofed window. Hopefully spring will come soon.

You have new Picture Mail!

Yes, Virginia, that is a snowman. Happy St. Patrick's Day.

You have new Picture Mail!

Rio is not feeling well. So, we are currently at the vet. Poor thing has a very upset tummy.

File: Work

Humpday jokes have begun.

As in, "It's almost Humpday. The week's almost gone."

True conversation from the hallway.

File: Goals

This is the spring of scare-the-hell-out-of-me. That means I'm going to do things that scare me, despite being afraid. Why? Different reasons for all, mostly just to better myself and try things that I've failed in or haven't tried because of failure.

My goals this spring:

1. Exercise on a regular basis, between 2-3 times per week. I've never been good about this, perhaps because, in my house growing up, I always had to defend physical activity and still harbor remaining guilt everytime I exercise. How to conquer: I'm taking a pilates class, I am trying to find time for running, and I joined my new company's softball team.

2. Expand musical vocabulary. I've always thought I was bad at music, especially singing. Apparantly, all I needed was a little training. My choir at Kol Ami has helped. Our choir, and a buunch of others from around Chicagoland (I hate that phrase), performed with Julie Silver. Last night, I sang in the purim spiel, titled Rhapsody in Shul. We took Gerswhin songs and rewrote the lyrics. I had my first solo ever. It scared me to death. Matt took pictures and Karyn's Matt took video. Initial pictures are at larsenopolis.blogspot.com. How to conquer: Well, last night helped. But, it just gave me the bug to do more. I'm going to take voice and piano lessons.

3. Return to performing. I miss it. It's been awhile. After leaving improv to explore scripted work and then having my worst audition of my life (on the CSz stage, no less), I stopped doing theatre. The wedding helped, then life got away from me and I didn't have time for theatre. I've decided to make time and return to performing. How to conquer: I'm taking an improv class at ComedySportz. I'm pretty sure my skills are rusty (read: lost, bad), and I'm afraid of looking like an idiot in front of a friend, but I've decided this is a needed hurdle in order to get back on the horse.

4. Get serious about my writing. I have pieces I'm really proud of that sit on my desk and gather dust. It kills me, but I'm too afraid to do anything with it. Why? No idea. How to conquer: I'm going to start sending things out seriously.

I realize it's ambitious, but ambition is one of the few things that doesn't frighten me.

File: Links, Tech

CNN Money has this article: http://money.cnn.com/2006/03/10/technology/business2_writerly0310/.

I love it. Writerly is a program Matt and I both use and love. I'm both hapy and sad Google's acquired it. I love all of Google's services, but am not a big fan of their ads. Sigh.

You have new Picture Mail!

Gas prices are going up. Note the ominous sky.

File: Links

This article from Salon about open adoption really moved me.

Matt started a blog, too.

Karen tagged me on a book meme. I posted it on BookADay. I tag my spouse.

File: Art, Life, Love

We watched the Oscars last night on the big screen at The Vic. Very fun. I hadn't seen any of the big movies. Two movies I saw: March of the Penguins and Wallace & Grommit. Voted for (and won) March of the Penguins. Voted against (and lost) Wallace & Grommit.

My optimism knows no end. Even though I only got 25 percent of my picks correct (that's 6 out of 24 for the kids in the back row), I still feel like I have a chance of recouping my $3 in the office Oscar Pool. I really feel like I could have a chance. My correct picks: Best Picture (Crash), Best Supporting Actor (dreamy George Clooney), Best Feature Documentary, Best Sound Mixing (King Kong), Best Visual Effects (King Kong), Best Actor (P.S. Hoffman). This does make me want to jump onboard Matt's Netflix train and start renting movies.

We celebrated our second wedding anniversary this weekend with a trip to Starved Rock. It's crazy that we've been married two years, and together for five. I feel so lucky and happy to have found Matt. I'll post pictures from our trip soon.

Special birthday note: Happy Birthday, Karen (I know it was yesterday). Here's to many more penguins!

***Update*** I didn't win the Oscar pool. But, I didn't come in last either. I was a very respectable (for me) third from the bottom.

File: Writing

Jenn asked about favorite words. I posted a comment over at www.milkring.com, but it got so involved, I thought I'd post it here too.

Ilk.

It means 'type or kind.'

Here's the word history, according to dictionary.com: "Middle English ilke, same, from Old English ilca. See i- in Indo-European Roots. When one uses ilk, as in the phrase men of his ilk, one is using a word with an ancient pedigree even though the sense of ilk, kind or sort,” is actually quite recent, having been first recorded at the end of the 18th century. This sense grew out of an older use of ilk in the phrase of that ilk, meaning of the same place, territorial designation, or name.” This phrase was used chiefly in names of landed families, Guthrie of that ilk meaning “Guthrie of Guthrie. “Same” is the fundamental meaning of the word. The ancestors of ilk, Old English ilca and Middle English ilke, were common words, usually appearing with such words as the or that, but the word hardly survived the Middle Ages in those uses."

My favorite moment with this word: When my dad and I wrote his book, I was in charge of the introduction. Dad never read it until the book was in print. The day the book shipped, he was standing in our living room, thumbing through the hardcover fruit of our labors. He starts to read the introduction, gets halfway through, comes upon my favorite word, and swears to the room at large, "What the hell does ilk mean? BRANDI!"

Lesson: Sometimes a little word is a big word. And, it's no fun to be a pretentious word snob because, above all, words are supposed to be the vehicle for communication.

Okay, I realize I'm getting way too dorky with this, but I'm a writer, love reading, and above all, love words. This is my favorite because of its quirkiness.

And now I ask you: What's your favorite word?

File: Writing, Life

Tuesday was our two-year anniversary. I feel like our relationship keeps getting more incredible with every day. Okay, not every day, as we have our days when we're not as close, but overall, the more time we spend together the more I feel alive. I feel so happy, lucky, and blessed. We didn't celebrate on Tuesday,, but we're going to the Landers house out in Utica this weekend. Can I hear it for Utica? It's near Starved Rock, which is supposed to be a really great state park. Matt planned it, so I'm really proud of him.

Only minus about hitting our two-year anniversary: we're no longer newlyweds. Hopefully,we'll keep the spirit.

I miss writing BookADay, but with the contest I'm judging, there's no time to really write. Two more weeks and I'll get to return to reading what I want.

Also, I'm going to put into the Oscar pool at work. I haven't seen any of the movies. Suggestions?

File: Life

Totally rocking out on the way home. 2 cars have stared at me. But the woman in the minivan was doing a literal head bop to Shakira. I muted mine just to hear her.

Looking at this picture in my browser, I've realized that it says "Closer to Fin" instead of "Closer to Fine." I'm not sure which song title I prefer, but the former seems to work with the topic.

File: Links

It's a family portrait throughout the years. This is fascinating. Their middle son is the same age as me. Thanks, Karen.

I want to do this. I've had the idea for awhile that when we have a child I want to take a picture of her/him every day. That way you get to see the true growth, and it'll make a cool flipbook.

File: 365, The Fam, Friends

I started the new gig on Monday.

I like it. It's completely different from where I was, which is a good thing and a bittersweet thing as well. I miss the boisterous atmosphere of the old gang. I miss green walls. I miss the dog.

Things that amuse me: a co-worker eats beef jerky from a bag he keeps in his filing cabinet, Matt went to college with a co-worker and a co-worker's wife, my boss toured the country with the WWE, the place has so many books, I read for a living.

The job is a little different than thought, but pretty close. I'm not doing as much writing. It's a good blend of editing the work of freelancers and publishing articles. Right now, it's all about production, getting these articles to the client. I like thinking too and had a bunch of ideas which I talked about with my boss. He was open to almost all of them. Hooray! He's a really nice guy and I feel lucky to be there.

Something cool: we use Lotus Notes, the program Uncle Mike wrote back in the day. It makes me feel connected to him just by being at work. It's been 14 years this month since his death. That's crazy, I think about how much he's missed and how much I miss him. I'm sure it was better in the 90's, but the program's kind of wonky. I want to call Lotus (now IBM) and ask them what's up.

We work on Macs. I have the Mac Mini, the Mighty Mouse, and the big monitor Matt and I drool over whenever we're in the Apple store. That's pretty cool.

It's strange working in the burbs. Granted, it's the closest burb to the city (Lincolnwood), but it's still weird. The people who have windows have amazing views of the parking lot and the power tower which stands in the parking lot and makes me wonder if I'm going to get cancer if I work there long enough. Mom and Dad would love this burb, though. There's a lot like it in South Florida. And lots of chosen peeps. There's a temple on every corner. Very cool. So, Mom and Dad, move to Lincolnwood! I'll come home for lunch.

I'm a little lonely at work. Maybe it's the isolated nature of cubes and offices vs. the loft. Maybe it's that I don't have friends there yet. I joined the softball team (the Boppers) in an effort to change that. I know it'll get better, that it's just time, but it makes me a little blue right now.

A bunch of friends touched base with me last night. It made me feel loved and happy. Thanks, guys. Christel and Steve are in town for a wedding, so we're going to see them tonight. I'm excited to see them in Chicago. In other news, Darrah yelled at me for reading books and not going to her for style advise. My response: You will always be my fashion idol, but I'm a slow learner. This could be sped up if you move to Chicago!

Ok, really need to hop in the shower now.

A Picture Share!

Meet Pip, our new Scion XA. He only had 3 miles on him when we found him. Here is to many many more!

A Picture Share!

After three long hours doing paperwork (they were very nice to us), we finally got to take him home.

File: Car, Art, Shopping

Yesterday was spent as a battle with auto loans. Bank of America literally gave me 7 different phone numbers which I spent the majority of the afternoon calling. Boo hiss. We decided to go with the financing at the dealership anyway, just because they seem like the easiest and least amount of paperwork. The rate is pretty good, too.

Got a call this morning: our car is in! Woo hoo! I got insurance--Geico was very nice, the process was blissfully simple, and their rates were low ($418.00 every 6 months to insure both of us). Matt and I are going to pick up our new car today, which is a great way to celebrate our Post Valentine's Day Date Day. I want to name the car Cupid. Matt's very much against that. Boo hiss. Perhaps the car won't get a name at all. We're going to celebrate our new found car freedom by going to dinner.

Heather said this to me last week--new job, new car; I'm getting to restart my life. She might be right. I'm scared and excited. In an effort to help me figure out who I am, I've decided to relook at my wardrobe. 4 years working in the ultra-casual office scene has made my wardrobe a little out of date. My new company is also casual, but I want at least some semblance of a style. I went to the library yesterday (before all the auto loan drama) and checked out a bunch of books on image. Those who know me won't be surprised when I say I've finished all of them already. (My comeback: they're nonfiction with big type-- they're easy. Also, this is the best way to procrastinate--instead of reading the 20 books that are currently sitting in my office for the book contest I'm judging.)

My Thoughts:
Beyond Business Casual. Perfect if you're over 50 and want to dress like it. Set in question and answer format, the book is meant to be a dialogue, but it's obvious author Ann Marie Sabath hates business casual. There's an entire chapter and a whole appendix that talks about the trend of business casual leaving the modern office. Also has a section devoted to what to wear for videoconferencing, which made me wonder how often the average office worker is attending videoconferences. I worked for an Internet video company and only attended one, ever. I got one tip out of the 207 page book: Fabrics considered business professional material are wool gabardine, silk, cotton and oxford (for shirts). For those not informed, the author makes a point to mention that hair scrunchies should never, ever, be worn in the office. Or, in my opinion, at any other time later than 1995.

Real Style. Wow. Sam Saboura's fun and to the point book is awesome. I feel like I learned so much and now have an idea about things. I actually got excited about the prospect of cleaning out my closet, going through it and reorganizing everything, donating what I don't wear. He gave some great tips on basics, body shapes, tailoring, and definitions on fashion. I now know what a pencil skirt is--and how to wear it. I really like this book and am considering buying it just to have in my personal library. Even if I don't, I'm going to redo my wardrobe based on his basics--shopping will be a breeze with this book in my purse.

What Should I Wear? Dressing For All Occasions. I picked up this book because Wendy Wasserstein, who just passed away and was one of my all-time favorite writers, had a quote on the back telling me this is a great book. But when I think fashion, Wendy Wasserstein isn't the first woman role model that pops into my head. Unfortunately for me, this is another book for the over 50 crowd. I liked the way it was organized (by season and the basics needed) and it had pretty pictures that inspired me in two ways: what I could wear and what I would never wear. It was a good supplement to Real Style because the pictures gave me the ability to see what Saboura was talking about (his book is all illustrations), but I'm definitely not the target audience for this one. Nevertheless, I'm planning on taking the basics they've listed for each season and adding them to my basics to buy list, which I think will help as I work to update my wardrobe in every season.

Before You Put That On. I liked this one, too. Lloyd Boston is the fashion consultant for the Today show and a whole bunch of other places. His style is breezy and fun. His book takes the year day by day and gives fashion advice from great designers as well. It's a coffee table sized book which will make it a pain to tote around (if only it was smaller), but has given me some great tips. He puts together outfits in ways I wouldn't have thought of and gave me courage to try new things. He also has a basics list--I'm planning on compiling into one major list and posting. Today's tip: "Be your own fashion editor. Study the red carpet looks but don't mimic them." He goes on to talk about how it's important to choose a style/color that you like but to not lose your own style because you want to look like Halle Berry.

These three are going to be open as I attempt to organize the beast that is my closet, also known as Narnia. More on that as it happens, hopefully tomorrow or Friday.

I also read these two books:

How to Gain The Professional Edge: Achieve the Personal & Professional Image You Want. I liked this book and would recommend it, especially to bright creatives who want their outward appearance to match their inward one. I expected a professional makeover kind of book, like what you need to know to dress well in the office. Author Susan Morem goes much further than that talking about how a person needs to appear to make it in the modern workplace. It's more than just clothes, it's also about details and attitude. A well-timed smile remains the best accessory. Also, if you're taking a client out to dinner, ask him/her what he or she likes to eat, provide a few restaurant choices, make a reservation, show up early because you're the host, don't drink too much (or at all if the client isn't drinking) and pay the bill. Those kind of tips made sense and helped remind me that image is more than just how you look. For tips on how you look, she provides a nifty color characteristics chart on page 108. I wore a red suit for my last interview, apparently that got the message across that I'm assertive. If I wore the dark brown which I had thought about, I would have been seen as conservative, but paired with a pink shirt, approachable. It's fun. Two favorite pieces of advice: 1) Don't dress for the job you have, dress for the one you want. 2)Think about your goals for the day and dress accordingly.

Nice Girls Don't Get The Corner Office 101 Unconscious Mistakes Women Make That Sabotage Their Careers. Yeah, um, okay. Maybe it's having been the president of the Women's Studies Club in high school. Maybe it's growing up in the household I did, where my dad told me I could do anything. Or maybe it's just me. This book had a lot of empowerment techniques, but not all that much that really applied to me. I picked it up because I had heard so much about it but found, like reading The Rules, the advice in it wasn't something that I could really appreciate. There's lots of business tips here and there are some mistakes I make (I'm too concerned with hurting others' feelings), but a lot of it just doesn't ring true to me. I'm not willing to step over anyone or anything in my path to get what I want. I am willing to stand up for myself and be clear about my goals, but that's something I've been putting to use for a very, very long time. I could see how author Lois P. Frankel's advice may help a woman who's always felt held-back because of her gender. That woman just isn't me.

Wow, I just went over a lot of books. In my defense, did you really think for even a minute that I could a write a book publishing/book review blog without mentioning what I'm reading "for fun" in my personal one?

On the writing end, Matt introduced me to a great web-based program called Writerly. It's like MSWord, but it's all on the web, in a non-searchable format. We've been writing collaboratively again. It's wonderful. I've been needing to write creatively for so long but have felt so tired and uninspired. I'm really proud of what we've started working on, and we're working in a format that's different for me. I'm finally excited about writing again.

Maybe this is the start of something new for me.

**Hooray, it's 5pm. Time to get ready to meet Matt and go pick up Cupid.**